it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
