Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
