I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
