What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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