I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
