Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
