Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
