My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
