Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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