i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize