Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
