so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
