he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
