Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize