I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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