So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
