Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just gift wrapped bread.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I party with great urgency now.
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