I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
