a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
