I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
