Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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