I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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