I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
