After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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