I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
