don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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