I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
