you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
