Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize