Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize