you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
