Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
