I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
