This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize