Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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