We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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