I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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