i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
