Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
