Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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