she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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