Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
