the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
