Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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