No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
