Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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