I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
