And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
