My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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