Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
