I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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