38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
