True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
