Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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