I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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