Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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