Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
