loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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