I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize