Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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