Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
