she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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