somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
