That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
