Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
