on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
please don't ironically join a cult
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