Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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