Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
