DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
