you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
