I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
