I think my fart just growled at me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
