there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
