i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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