so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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