got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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