You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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