you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
