Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
