Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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