you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize