from now on my penis is your penis
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You ruined the universe
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
