there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
