You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
