Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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