so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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