I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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