I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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