the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
