please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
