dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
