he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize