p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
