Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
