No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
