Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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