I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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