so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
