I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fuck appropriateness.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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