he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
