I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
