I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
