drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
