I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
