good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
